The Palawan Barrier

I dedicate this entry to: Twinsy
I should have PMed you this, but i think it’s better to make it as a blog entry instead. And I got tired of rereading it, so sorry for the grammatical errors along the entry.

Since I’m shifting to another course, you’ll wonder what course would that be. I’m the practical and ambitious kind of person. When we say practical, I don’t want to do something that would cost me great and then benefit me less. Or in financial situation, I want to earn something more than what I have paid for. And when we say ambitious, I aim for something that I think is impossible for me to achieve. Practical and ambitious don’t get along that well for me. I can’t be practical and ambitious at the same time. If I’d be practical, my actions greatly depends upon the current situation I am facing, thus leading me to do the things that would effectively solve my problems as of the moment. Of course, without risking anything. If I’d be ambitious, my actions greatly depends upon the future goals that I think would be promising for me. Of course, risking things that even I don’t know if the risks that I’ve taken would not be in vain.

I could not deny the fact that I’ve chosen the course Maritime Transportation because of the  great salary it could give me. Practical? Yes. It’s practical because first, the tuition fee is reasonable. Second, the salary later on is just overwhelming. Ambitious? Yes. It’s ambitious because I have to undergone so many trainings before I could earn the salary I’m yearning to have. In conclusion, the ambitious part of this course compromises the practical side of it. I’m not a risk-taker, and it kills me slowly every time I’m risking myself over its promising reward, given my physical condition, it’s hard for me to remain ambitious and be practical at the same time.

So what’s the alternative course that you have in mind?

The course I’m shifting to is BSPE or Bachelor of Science in Petroleum Engineering. Practical? Yes. Unlike any other engineering courses, this course does not conduct a board exam. That means after graduation, I’d be a licensed engineer. Or I dunno, that’s what it’s trying to say right? And it’s also ranked as the highest paid job in the world. But then again, that’s just an assumption because surveys across the internet varies regarding what’s the highest paid job in the world. But, let’s stick to the idea that it’s the highest income earner across the globe. Or at least, it’s belongs to the highest. Ambitious? Very. There are only 2 schools in the Philippines that offers that course. One is located in Batangas, and yes, you guessed the other one right, Palawan. It’s ambitious because basing on my family’s financial status, a plane ticket is already a hard-earned-money. And, that’s the first problem I’m encountering right now. Second, we have no relatives living in Palawan. The good thing is my father knows someone who resides there. Third problem is, I have to live there all by myself. I’d be paying monthly rentals for the boarding house, I’d be budgeting my allowance every month, I can’t be fetched by my dad whenever I’d be going home late. Fourth problem is, I have to do the laundries all by myself. Fifth problem is, I’d be a 520 miles (836 kms.) away from my friends and family. Sixth problem is, I’m not sure if I could avail an internet connection for myself. Which sucks big time.

Last Sunday (May 12, 2013):
I went to Palawan together with my dad. The time of our flight was 8:30AM, and that was the first time I’ve ridden a plane. When the departing time was almost there, I got tensed and so nervous that I had to go use the comfort room of the airport and defecate. haha! They say that the frightening part of riding a plane was during landing, but I beg to differ. I get nervous when the plane departs from the ground because I can’t decipher how the plane lifts itself from the ground and supports itself in the air. When landing, it relieves me when I feel the wheels of the plane softly impacts the runway.

There are no taxis in Palawan, only tricycles which could also serve as a taxi if you happen to need one. There are also jeepneys that leads you to their designated routes. The place is peaceful. In fact the peace and order of the city which is Puerto Princesa is somewhat similar to Davao’s. The city is soooo clean. You can’t see any rubbish lying around.

There are malls in Davao which could also be seen in Puerto Princesa, Robinson’s and NCCC.

The Palawan Barriers:
Communication:
The dialect that is used there is Filipino or known as tagalog. It ain’t really a barrier because I am fluent in speaking Filipino. Although, I found it awkward because when me and dad were conversing to one  another, I’ve gotta use tagalog because it’s unethical if I’m gonna speak using my native tongue. It gives me the chill listening to myself when I speak to my dad in tagalog whenever there are people around. The real communication barrier in Palawan is myself. I’m not the kind of person who communicates that often. At times, I’m already contented to know that the people I care about are safe and still kicking. Unlike my father, he communicates mom every now and then, updating her almost every move we made while in there. Informing her this and that. There’s also this other thing, I don’t know if I could have my own internet access if ever I’d pursue the course. Having no internet connection there is like missing half of my life. And because of my personality, I doubt that I’d have a great time communicating with people. I mean befriending them. What lies ahead of my future?!

Finances:
This would really be a huge barrier. Like what I’ve said a while ago, the number one issue is plane ticket. Let’s say the cheapest is 5k. Where the heck would I get 5k? The board and lodging would also be expensive, that would be 3k monthly. Plus my daily transportation fare. My daily allowance. Daily food allowance. Not mentioning the tuition fee, books, and other school related materials. Laundry. We were estimating that it would cost more or less 30k per month.

Distance:
Distance is obviously the most painful barrier. Painful because I’d be too far away from my family and friends. Finances and communication barrier would not be a big deal if somehow they’re just one jeepney ride away.

And yeah, I kept on saying the word barrier. What do I really mean about that word? A barrier that blocks me from what? I dunno, I think barriers that block me from my comfort zone? And yeah, since it’s an engineering course, I don’t know if my mental capacity to analyze and solve many challenging mathematical equations would help me. This situation is really a 50:50 or do or die. If I survive this 5 year course, then I’ve hit the jackpot. But if ever, God-forbid, that I won’t really make it, it’s like all the efforts and all the money would be put to waste. The time, yeah, the precious time would also be in vain.

My parents are pressuring me to decide now if I would pursue this course. I have only less than 2 weeks to decide and comply all the lacking requirements I needed for requirement. If ever I’d pursue this path, more or less I’d be coming back to Palawan on May 31, 2013. They want me to decide now. They want me to have an alternative course to choose on if ever I won’t pursue the promising offers that that course brings.

I’m afraid, I’m nervous, and I’m frightened. I’m undecided, I’m indecisive. It’s like I don’t want to go to school na.

Let’s Talk About Frustration

I am currently enrolled in Bachelor of Science in Marine Transportation. I chose this course because of practical reasons. First, the tuition fee is not unreasonable (read: über-expensive ). Second, I’m not enrolling for a course that the work/job later on could not compensate the expenses that schooling had put me into. Third, the maritime industry is the only industry wherein the title of profession is acknowledged. Please elaborate. If you are a licensed nurse in the Philippines, your title is not credited there in Canada, or as I assumed. Hence if you’re a Captain or a Master Mariner in the Philippines, you’re also a Captain by the time you arrive in Russia. My point is, Maritime’s title of profession could be used internationally.

This course has only three years allotted for studying, while the remaining one year is for apprenticeship, meaning for the 4th year of this course, we’ll be on board the ships.

If one should have the desire to become a sailor, one must be physically fit. Upon enrolling, all aspiring Captains (read: enrollees) are going to experience meticulous health examinations. The list below are the medical requirements needed upon enrollment.
Medical Requirements:
- Ishihara Test
- Hearing Test
- Visual Acuity
- Medical Certificate
- Dental Certificate
- Chest X ray
- ECG
- Complete Blood Count (CBC)
- Blood Typing
- Urinalysis
- Stool Examination
- Hepa B Antigen
- Hepa B Antibodies

Have I mentioned it is to be complied yearly?

First of, during my first year I almost haven’t passed the Hearing Test. At first, I was so confident that I’d be able to ace the Hearing Test because my ears are trained for music. What I had failed to realize is that the long exposures I had from loud music from band practices made my hearing ability poor. I was and still am diagnosed with mild hearing loss. I was referred to the EENT specialist to have my ears checked. To God’s mercy, I had passed the said ear examination. During my whole freshman year, I was so fearful that I won’t be able to enroll the following year. The words medical examination haunts me every time I hear them. I think I have developed the phobia of not being able to pass the Hearing Test, or anything listed in the Medical Requirements.

During my second year, I was already convinced that I’d be able to finish this course, that I’d be able wear the gala during graduation, yet the fear of not passing the medical examinations still remained in me. I had been cautious when it came to band practices, I now use ear plugs that helped minimized the decibels that passes through my ears. The Hearing Test was just the same, I was still referred to the EENT specialist. But against all odds, I was able to pass it again. Then came the visual acuity, another thing that later on became one of the things I dread the most. During the visual acuity, I had only managed to get a 30/25. That means the precious 20/20 vision I once had was gone.

The supposedly last year of schooling as a Maritime Student, became the point wherein I had to stop and shift into another course. As I went to the optometrist to have my eyes checked, the complication on my eyes became worse, now I have to wear glasses. I had even managed to secure a Visual Acuity Certification of 20/20 which is good. But, I haven’t had a Hearing Test yet. I said to myself that if I’d pass the Visual Acuity, the Hearing Test would not be a hindrance anymore, and I’m all the way for enrollment, I’m all the way for becoming a third year, and I’m all the way for graduation.

The schedule for our enrollment is scheduled from May 6 to May 11, 2013. As early as May 1, I was already processing the requirements for enrollment (read: medical requirements). Upon that night, on the day I’ve had my eyes checked, we had discussed the issue regarding my eyes together with my parents and my, what’s the male term for aunt by the way? We had discussed that since the issue regarding my eyes is given, finishing my studies won’t do me any good if later on I won’t be able to get on board the ship anyway. It would be useless if I can’t even use my schooling to get a job. See the point? As early as now, we’re taking preventive measurements to avoid further casualties.

During those 2 years of studying, I had learned to make the most out of every day. I learned to maximize the remaining days I had, because somewhere deep inside me, there’s a voice that’s telling me that sooner or later, I won’t be able to make it. There are these people upon learning about the career I’ve chosen would say, “Oh! So you’re going to be a Captain someday.” I just sheepishly responded to them, “Oh, yeah, of course. A Captain.” Deep inside, I’m telling myself, how I wish that I could be a Captain someday. It’s frustrating on my part because people are looking up at me as a future Captain. But now, now that I’m not even able to finish my schooling, I have failed my parents. I have failed their expectations on me. The reason why I was not convincing myself that I’d be a Captain someday every time they comment about me being a future Captain is because I’m not buying myself some false hopes.

It’s really frustrating to leave my close friends behind (Chloe, Lincold, Khristian, Ivy, Donna, Ralph, Venroi, Jayson, Nelson), as well as my Peer Facilitators family, and the instructors who made my Scholastic Records a decent and presentable one. I would miss the chance to wear the 3 stripes on my shoulder board. I would miss the chance to benefit from my classmate who’s now a Core Commander. I would miss the chance to be with the people who gave me worth, the people whom I know won’t leave me midair, the people who I’m not afraid to show the real me.

I feel depressed.
I feel sad.
I feel alone.
I feel pathetic.
I feel frustrated.

It’s My Birthday! So What?

Birthdays are supposed to make people special and here I am, feeling old.

I remember back in my days (read: childhood) that whenever one of us celebrates his/her birthday, he/she is to be treated like a king/queen. Literally. Who’s them? They are my cousins. There were 5 of us — 3 boys and 2 girls. I remember that on our birthdays we can command whatever things we like, and even give the silliest and most ridiculous tasks we can think of. See how cool my childhood was?

Once upon a time a baby boy was born. Then one day he grew old. Pffftt. That’s the punchline of every birthday. Yeah, I loathe the fact that I’m growing old and won’t be getting any younger anymore. Well, how did I know that childhood has already gone by? It was when childhood is just another memory. A sweet memory. I celebrated my birthdays in childhood with innocence, expectations, excitements, and surprises. Back then, I was already satisfied to have a cake to blow, presents to open, relatives who would greet, and a birthday to feel so special. Now? Everything changed. Although my parents buy me a cake, it’s like, it’s different. I don’t feel excited anymore to see my birthday cake. I even barely have presents to open. And, people whom I expected to remember my birthday haven’t even greeted me. It was last year when I realized every thing’s not the same anymore (if you’ll excuse recession for these changes). What I’m trying to say is that last year that was supposed to be my debut if I were a girl was just like  a normal day. I mean common! It’s supposed to be special because it’s my 18th birthday!

Now, on my 19th, I just feel so blessed. Since I haven’t publicly displayed my birthday on Facebook, I now know who are the people who truly cares for me. Last year, I received hundreds of greetings for displaying my birthday on Facebook. Although, some of them were just complying Facebook’s prompt to greet me, I still felt awesome and wonderful. Excluding my relatives, there are only 3 people who greeted me. The first one who greeted me is my ever supportive Twinsy! I do appreciate her for being able to recall my day. Although how small the gesture may be, it means a lot to a person who’s celebrating his birthday. The second person who greeted me is my elementary crush. I don’t know how she was able to remember my birthday, maybe it’s because 4 days from now, she’ll be celebrating hers. The gap of our birthdays are not quite that long, so I’m betting that’s how she recalled my day. The third one to greet me is my ex. Actually, I’ve been expecting a grandeur greeting from her. Well not really, but a special one instead. Every year, I try to be the first one to greet her on her birthday and she also does the same to me. It surprised me that she didn’t do the same anymore. Well, I’m not yearning for our relationship to be back, I’m just after for the closeness we had. But hey! At least she greeted me, and she still remembers me. Positivity aye?

Actually, I was expecting to be greeted by someone I considered special and it’s  her. For the last few days, I have been wrestling with this urge inside me that’s telling me to tell her what I feel. And now I’m like, I’m trying to forget you. Crush, kung maka move-on lang ko, “Who you?” ka sa akoa! Bitter? haha! But hey! Today’s my birthday! I have the right to feel happy and blessed because of the people who cared and made this ordinary day into something special.

F.Y.I. the above passages are just my introduction. You haven’t been warned. Basically, this post is just about what happened to me. Or what I did on my birthday.

So, I woke up early this morning, and went to school. I went to school to get my grades. I arrived there with a cool perspective. I was like, hey don’t touch me, don’t you know it’s my birthday? It’s like I have everyone’s life on my mercy. Celebrating my birthday makes me feel like I can wish anything I want (you can’t refuse a birthday boy’s wish), it makes me feel I can be acquitted from any wrongs I can do today (screw being legal!), it makes me feel that I am powerful and merciful at the same time (insert evil laugh here). But what disappointed me today is seeing that I have no grade on one of my subjects. I was like, how could you do this to me? Today’s my birthday! What have you done?! But, positivity overtook me today. I kept my cool, and carried on. So, upon seeing that I have so much time. I went to my instructor and complained. Bad thing is, I didn’t know what’s the class code of my subject. Class code is needed so that he can give me my grade. I called mom to scan for my documents, so that she can look for the class code for me. To no avail, she didn’t pick up the phone. Good thing is, the guidance councilor of the school is my friend. I asked for help, and voila! I got the class code. Then I complied the necessary actions to be taken for having a no grade. And guess what was my grade? It’s 1.4 , so meaning? It means I got a 96 on that subject. I wanted to bargain my grade, I wanted to tell him to increase my grade since today’s my birthday. But, mercy overpowered me. I thought, since today’s my birthday, 96 would be enough. Wanna know my grades?

Philippine History and Constitution  ——– 98%
Merchant Ships Search and Rescue   ——— 91%
Celestial Navigation (Boo Sir Blood!)——— 89%
Electronics Navigation, RADAR        ———- 95%
Technical Writing                                     ———- 92%
General Psychology                                 ———- 93%
Rope Handling                                            ———- 96%
Basic Safely                                                  ———- 93%

For a general average of 93%.

The reason why I haven’t got my grade is because I omitted to write the final permit number on the test paper. Freaking permit number!

Btw, my grandmom gave me 200 pesos! Coolest thing evahhhh!

Blood Letting Go

Blood donors are bad-ass! I am a blood donor, therefore I am awesome!

You can’t argue with someone who’s having a birthday today, especially a person who donated blood on his birthday.

I had already donated blood when I was still 16 years old. Bad-ass aye? Super bad-ass for being able to donate while underage! I had been allowed to donate blood because my parents consented me. When I was 17, I hadn’t been almost allowed to donate. Why? Since I had already donated when I was 16, I assumed it would already be okay to donate blood without my parents’ permission at the age of 17. Wrong, so wrong. Since 17 isn’t legal yet, the hospital needed consent from my parents. Long story short, I had successfully donated blood. The reason why I celebrate my birthday through blood donation is because being legal means I don’t need my parents’ consent anymore whenever I wanted to donate. On my 18th birthday, last year, I donated blood. It’s so awesome. The feeling’s so awesome. The staffs there greeted me  a happy birthday while I was waiting for my name to be called to bleed my blood. Almost the same’s what happened to me today. I went there, and the MedTech practitioners (read: staffs) were amazed that I had been bleeding my blood on the same days. It’s like, isn’t it obvious that I’m doing this on my birthdays?

My real intention for donating my blood is money. Of course, it’s money! Kidding! It’s the feeling after donating blood. It’s like a reward. To be able to help someone indirectly, and literally saving people’s lives. With only one bag, are you serious? I mean, every drop counts right?  The afterglow of helping someone, it’s just awesome. It’s just so wonderful.

My grandfather was admitted with a lukemia. It’s a blood cancer. I realized how precious blood was, is. You’ll ask me, aren’t you afraid of needles? Does it hurt? Well, it’s a little bit scary, and it quite hurts to be punctured by a toothpick-thick needle, but compared to what Jesus did for us on the cross? It’s nothing. I’m only bleeding for 450 cc of blood, while he bled all his blood out. It only takes 20 to 30 minutes to complete the procedure, and He was hanged on the cross for almost a day. The sting on the needle is just so cute compared to the rusty 6-inched nails that were pounded on him. You see, I don’t have the right to complain when I give my blood. If Jesus bled for me, I will also bleed for someone else. I can never be as awesome as Jesus was. But, being a blood donor is something to be proud of. I’ve already donated for the 4th time already. And, what did I earn? I earned bragging rights to call myself a blood donor. Bwahahaha! Acquit me, it’s my birthday!

Mind you, blood donation is healthy. It gives way for our body to produce new blood. And, blood donation is an act of letting go. So today, I’m letting go of all the negatives in me, hoping it won’t go back. I’m letting go of the thoughts of her. May this day be the day of moving on and moving forward!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN TO MY BELOVED SELF! I love you! I mean, I love me!

She’s My Pearl Cave

“Like the cave pearls, its value will only be a value once it is found in the cave where it is located. Once you remove it, and sell it to the market, it would have no value, because who knows if it was the real cave pearls. Its value should be understood.”

This is how I feel for her, or it’s the other way around. I mean, this is how I feel for myself. Well, I want her, I like her, and I’m irrevocably in love with her. I know we’ve all been through this kind of feeling — the feeling before getting something we want so dearly  is skyscrapingly great. By the time we have it, the feeling amazingly drops like a bass (b-b-b-bass down low).  Then yet again, the feeling resumes to its peak level once after losing it. I don’t know, but I have the feeling that if I pursue these feelings of mine, I’ll be losing her. I know it’s just a feeling, but I will surely still want her as much as I wanted her before having her. I understand her value. I know it’s easy to conclude that it’s end when obviously it’s not. It’s too early to awaken love and to early to subdue it. Love waits, true love waits. I’ll wait for her.

The GOD-Syndrome

Our lives are pre-destined.

Why?

Who among you are writers? What do you do before you start to write? Yes, we think of a probable plot, a probable character, a probable antagonist. I believe many among us here are fiction writers and story-tellers. By making stories, we do the closest thing that God does, creation. God made the world through words right? The way we write our stories closely resembles the way God does to our lives. Before we were born, He had already chosen our parents, the way we already knew the background of our characters. He already knew our exact hair count, the way we do on our character sketching. He already knew if we will be a good person or a bad person, the way we choose our protagonist and antagonist. Writing is the best God simulator, aside from sex, of course. Do you get my point? Well, my point is we possess the urge to be God, the god in our own world. I’m calling this urge as The GOD-Syndrome.

Do you have an Android phone? Try playing the game Plague Inc. The aim of the game is to eradicate the entire human population by the means of a plague. The game is cool because you have the lives of all the people in Earth in the palm of your hands, literally. The game provides you with a bacteria. Since it’s a strategic game, you have to strategically evolve the bacteria into a killer plague that would wipe out the entire human race. As the bacteria started to mutate into a killing disease and started to spread across the world, I was in awe. That game made me feel like I’m a god. Imagine, God can also do the same what that game does, He could treat us just like a freaking game, but God is just so  gracious that He didn’t. Again, I felt the God-syndrome crawl under my skin just like what writing always does to me.

It’s also frustrating because you’ll have a hard time eradicating the entire human race. There’s a popular paradox question, Can God make a stone so heavy that even He cannot lift it? If He can make it, why can’t he lift it if He is a God? If He cannot make it, why can’t He, He’s a God? Well, the questions are quite blasphemous. I just introduced those questions because I’m trying to point out that being a god has a limitation. Although, it’s obvious that I can easily dominate the world by the means of a plague, the truth is, it’s harder than you think. The humans try to find a cure, they fight back. They fight back against me. They fight back against their god! [Insert evil laugh here] The only way to guarantee that the plague is going to consume them all is to purchase the full version of the game, which is costly and unnecessary. Again, I’m stretching the point that being God is not easy. God also has a limitation, and His limitation is Himself. Since God is the God of Truth, He is not allowed to lie. I don’t say? He cannot break His own words. His words are law. I know that you’re familiar with the story of Salvation, the story of Jesus the Savior. God the Father is a spiritual being. It means that He cannot interact directly with the physical world. That’s the reason why He sent His Son Jesus to the world to redeem us from our sins and that’s the only way that He (God the Father) can interact with us directly. Since Jesus is a hundred percent God and a hundred percent human, that leaves us to the conclusion that He was incarnated. He can now interact with us because He is now a human being. And I know that you’ll ask that where is the logic in that? Mind you, a God comprehended is no God at all. Okay, the goal of Jesus on coming here on Earth is to save us from our sins, and that’s costly — His life. So, back to the game. I’ll relate Jesus’ goal here on earth with my goal in the game. I can always do desperate things, I can purchase the game with a credit card, and finish my goal. But, it is costly.

The Game That Made Me Cross My Fingers

Playing an online game has never been serious since a real money is involved.

I am the stingy type of person. I only spend my money to the things that could convince me that they are worthy of my money. If you’re intrigued with what online game I’m playing, it’s called Dead Frontier, it’s a MMORPG (Massively multiplayer online role-playing game). So where’s the money involved? I am a GM (Gold Member) in that game. And it cost 8 freaaaaking dollars! You could spend $8 with your game and not a single cent to your blog? I know you are thinking that way. Well, we do have our own priorities. *wink* I am currently banned in that game, because I was alleged for scamming/hacking. What the hell? I wasn’t even the one who played during that time. I let my brother play with my account, and look what he did. My account was banned. Our accounts were banned!

Pros:
1. I can now use the desktop more often because he’s on probation on using this computer.
2. He won’t sleep late because he can’t play that game.
3. The computer can rest.

Cons:
1. My character won’t be able to level up sooner or later
2. My friend lent me a Vulcan (an overly high-priced [both in the game and in the real world] and epic heavy machine gun). It means I should return to him the Vulcan he lent to me, either by hook or by crook.
3. If the false charge on my account won’t be lifted up, it means I won’t be able to play with it again. With all the blood, tears, and years of leveling it up, what have you done brother?! :’(

And now, we wait. We wait for the mercy of the DF Support Team.

Dear support staff, I have trouble with 2 of my accounts and I’m worried that I can’t retrieve these accounts I have.
I have been accused as scamming/hacking.
I believe that having as many accounts I could have is allowed and is stated on the Game Rules. I have read there that all trades should be done on an item for cash basis, and I think I was banned because I was trading items between my two accounts. I assume that since only 1 IP address is being used, my accounts were accused as scamming/hacking.
I have a Vulcan lent to me by one of my close friends. And, I don’t know how to give it back to him since my account is currently banned.
The accounts which are banned at the moment are rbrt and it is currently a gold member. and the other is Violy3
The account who lent me the Vulcan is Enesys2
If you do need a proof, Enesys2 can testify to what I am saying.
Please consider this small request of mine and I hope you could work on this.
God bless and more powers!